straight talking

HAPPYSEXYPASSIONATECOOL BIRTHDAY JC!!
(its my 8yrs++ fren's bday!)

just got home from school, just turned down an invite for dinner with jc becos i was at my own doorstep and too lazy to walk back to j8, just finished reading my book.

i cant believe i did the SS essay, jeez. my 1st piece of SS hmwk all year.

u know, i've done some pretty stupid things in my life. some were idiotic, most were embarrassing and a few were downright humiliating. like that tim ein day care when i played tht game in a skirt. a flouncy, flowy skirt that- ahem. nvm, lets put tht in the past shall we? and then i realised i do or say an embarrassing thing at least once a week, and i guess, tht's normal. we've all read abt ppl doing stupid things for love, havent we? and u noe what? i admit i've done some PRETTY dumb things in the name of "love", cos its more like obsessive infatutation (: and i rmb most of them well. haha, its funny when u reflect back on them, but at the time? gosh, u just wanna crawl into a hole and die, tht's how bad some were.

and today i realised how much i miss *P (name changed). P and i can still talk, if only for a bit, and i realised tht we;ve just missed a chance for us to grow closer. i mean, heartbreak has always been a reason why women connect and we've nvr gone thru those b4. sure, i has *Ass, then *Jay, but i'd nvr even gone into detail abt it. honestly, i hadnt even been honest. and then recently she had *T, and i kinda er got into smth with *W and we nvr told each other anth. and thts a regret okay, bocos i nvr have anybody to tell everything to. certain ppl FLAKE on me, most cant put themselves in my shoes and... i dunno. it just sucks alot. i wana ask somebody what the hell is going on with me. everything just kinda sucks now. i mean, we're not really super chummy, cos we're too alike. we're like Andy and Tash, always like, u noe? nvm, read the book. im like Tash, and she's Andy, cos she'll nvr do anth as self-destructive as Tash did, but i totally wld. plus i totally needs what Tash does, and it sucks.

yes, i've thought things through. *W was just such a shock, i nvr had time to put up any defence and tht why it started. but then *W turned out to be like every other person and yeah, *W might as well hv ripped my lungs outta me but hell. it happens. and i lived. and he ran. but then those things happen where u cant just ignore, and *W was...nice. i felt like a bitch and went to befriend *W. but tht was all it was gonna be, serious. but then...it just got out of hand. hell, it was nvr meant to go this far, and i nvr meant for anth like that to happen. ok, maybe a little similiar, but not THAT. its just so...awkward. bloody hell.

u see, i gotta stop with the thinking and just do. why bother to tink? nth's ever gonna come outta it, im psychic, i noe what im saying. and besides, fantasies nvr came true (:

hehehe i sound quite wrong. like i did smth...bad. hahah. funny.
am going to drool over Xu Zeya now! :DD