BLAHH

this is a totally unimportant insignificant post pls skip, i just felt like posting.

i just went to ur blog after like 52452 days. yes, i completely stopped going after i made that wonderful discovery of **************** whatever lah no biggie. i mean yeah like, i had totally given up alr & just very recently i realised the past times i saw you the feelings didnt come rushing back as they always did b4. maybe there's smth to be said abt- i dunno. after i found out i just kept telling myslf that its goodbye to you forever, like, its always gonna be CANNOT CANNOT now. RAHHHH i hate myslf for even thinking abt then now, how cld i hv been sooo dumb it was all wishful thinking on my part (: i am so idiotic ahhaha. yes that was bitter laughter becos i admit it, thou i dont want it to be true, i did fall in love with you. STUPID ME HUH. & then i dont wana admit this either, but i really was super crushed when i found out, i totally rmb how happy i had been b4, then i read that line & i was like *BOOM* ouch. hhhahaha stupid stupid me. im like, really really happy for you, i mean, hey, good on you, u found somebody whom u were willing to make time for in your busybusy life. omg, this is turning out to be SO OBVIOUS! grace, you idiot, cld u BE any more obvious? damn it. i alr typed this in continuous form to discourage anybody frm reading it. sigh. theres so much i wana say, i just let all the words run away. i dont understand why this happened, like, why i fell for you, cos it was all sooo stupid. stupid, thats the only word i can think of to describe it now. haha. yeah aside from how nice/sweet/cute/cool/caring/sincere/concerned you were. & a whole bunch more. BUT GRACE, YOU ASS, HOW CLD U HV FALLEN FOR SOMEONE U SEE LIKE FIVE TIMES A YEAR! hah. i am such a joke. & then there was the whole the-weird-things-u-say deal. made me feel so odd. whatever! i dont even wana think abt it now. eek. i am living with the lost love angsty-pian thing everyday but i noe no one can tell from my perfect facade of a carefree happy-go-lucky bimbo. i refuse to show how much in pain i am. i refuse to let it affect my life outside. becos i alr dont hv a perfect life, if i let u get to me, how much of a life will i hv left? will a part of me be in love with you forever? when you talk to me, will my mind still jump to us? can i fool the world any longer? LOL. i am soo tired of trying to be someone i dont think i am. i am so tired of holding this mask in front if my face all the time. and i am so disgusted that i dont even know myslf.

i am so sorry this turned out to be kinda emo. :D