sup dudes. i just added my cousins on fb, yay. and i realised one of them is attached now. good for him! i know he's been single a long time, he was asking me if i'd friends to intro to him a while back. so anw, we had a short convo just now. makes me miss my childhood.
thank goodness i still hv childhood-ies close to me in my life :) holla Besties! :D
anw.
so i went to his blog and his gf's, even though i dont know her - yet. see, i have a plan. a plan to reconnect w all my cousins! we all used to be super close lah. so anw seeing as my cousins are brothers she alr knows Kelvin so yeah i suppose in time we'll be introduced. i hope we will. i like that idea. and she looks nice. went to her blog and saw that she likes alot of Taiwanese idols, plan to ask if she likes LeeHom too! :D yay leehom wait for me :D
so. it's dec 30, and the year's gonna be over shortly.
cant say im exactly sad to see it go though. it's been one of those years. sigh, i dont even have words to describe it.
.
.
my cousins are like the only part of my family that i kinda like. and i wanna be closer to them again. i just realised all my cousins have really nice names. like me! hahahha.
at Kelv's blog now. god, he is so LI. i am actually jealous. when did he morph into this LI machine? i so missed out on our growing up years. i mean, i've always known he was super smart, top-his-every-class kind, but jeez. yeah i know, i was always worried abt being compared to him. (but hey, i dare say that in terms of intellect, i can hold my own against most.) im so over that now, i dont give a $#^& anymore abt what others think, i just wanna be happy again. yep.
god, i really miss them. they were the closest to siblings i'd ever and will every have. getting teary eyed now. god knows i want brothers more than anything. stupid family feud over dumb stuff. why did we let it affect us kids? if i could do it over.....
im really jealous of all the friends close to my cousins. if they only knew i'd die to be in their place. i dont ever tell anyone this, and i dont think anyone cares enough to pick up on this except maybe a choice few, but im a lonely kid. lonely as hell. i hv awesome friends, awesome beyond words, but beyond that i really dont have anyone else. and i cant tell you how much that sucked. how did it become this way? HOW??? sigh. yeah, lonely. let me try to put it across to you in a way you'd understand. i mean, friends have no obligation to be nice to you, to care about you. they could walk away and not have to explain themselves, ever. but family. family is different. you'll always be connected in some unbreakable way. you can never really cut your ties, even if you wanted it more than i want LeeHom. yeah family. it's a new idea to me, i never thought of myself as having............never mind. it's much too melodramatic.
okay maybe im overreacting. i guess family can walk away too.i know they can definitely turn away in times of need. i....dont know anything. im too young and stupid to know anything about this world. yet im too old and jaded to care. god, im bitter.
i dont know what to say. i never know what i want anymore. beyond instant gratification, it's like i dont even....ah hell im speechless.
there's still some things inside me, i wish others could see. most of who i used to be is lost, but stick around long enough and i just may surprise you. it's alright, the old Grace didnt seem to appeal to a lot of ppl anyways. i've still got some spunk left in me, but for how long only the people above know. talk to me before i disappear completely.
omg the last paragraph was so like, i dont know. emo, almost. i am so bad at expressing myself, i shd talk to Oprah. or a psychologist. cant spell the other one, too apathetic to check it out.
okay, enough talk for now. i just added a guy i knew when i was a kid on fb. crazy reckless thing to do. i guess i just dont care abt anth anymore. he'll probably think im a crazy stalker. but really, i just rmb his name and added it. anw, omg, ITS MY MOTHER'S BIRTHDAY TODAY. omg i cant believe i only noticed it now. ah hell. what am i gonna do? okay. got it.
i really have to go to bed now, plan to be up in a coupla hours to do work. right. i hope tmr blazes by quickly so i may like, settle back into my numb self and let the days pass quietly. i wish certain people would just leave me alone, im rather happy when not disturbed. erm, duh. okay nvm.
EVE OF NEW YEAR'S EVE. what, ever.
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