cheers!

woohoo im so happy blogger is fixed! :DDDDDD

hmm i tink my reaction is abit slow but this happens when a girl doesnt touch the com for a few days.
anw, YAY BLOGGER IS FINE AGAIN.
hello template changes <3

andand,
I'VE GOT AN IDEA...
well actually i've got many, but this is so great!

this wk i saved some money but i still dunno if i can go for class tmr...this sucks im always strapped for cash. and i wana meet ashley jie so bad and i wana catch up with everybody so soo bad and why arent things going smoothly its not fair GRRRRRRRRRRRRR

and i've added new stuff to my list of things to buy
and khairi owes me eight CDs, that irritant.

i've been thinking what to do lately, and my mind just draws up a big blank.
like, BLANK.
and im hungry.

insane urges!

chicken banana!

i have got supercrazymadlynuttyuberstupidinsane urges to be superduperly ULTRA nice to all my friends! event he ones i havent seen in a loong looong time.

wow.

if u're my friend during this period pls count ur lucky stars because these supercrazymadlynuttyuberstupidinsane urges are urging me to buy everyone presents.

presents.

what do i look like? a bloody money printer?

gag.

and i even returned the library bks i used joshua wu weizhong's IC to borrow.
i am like ultra nice lately.

WEIRD!

list of things i wana do this hols!

~ meet ashley jie
~ go on mad shopping sprees every week or so (hmm ok every TWO wks or so)
~ GET NEW JEANS
~ ditto shoes
~ meet old frens i havent seen in longlong time
~ smth abt my hair
~ pack my wardrobe
~ eat all the candy in my fridge
~ introduce my horse to my dog
and
~ give my dog a bath


HAHA GOTCHA!
i alr gave my dog a bath like 3months ago, he doesnt need another til 2mths ltr.


:D
oh fine, im kidding, i dont hv a dog or a horse. i do hv a hippo! and a lamb. and a kiwi fruit!

ahahah. YIYIN HOUSE VERY NICE CAN but very scary if u leave at night because u run the risk of getting chased by a ghost dog which may or may not:
a) jump over the moon gate
b) sink its canines into ur ankle
c) be real
and then when u go home & relate the story to yiyin when she asks if u're home safely she may or may not:
a) care
b) believe u & get worried & advice u to get insurance frm the owners
c) pick up the phone
of course, all this results in a few possibilities of she may or may not:
a) nvr invite u to her house again
b) invite u over & send u home in her car
c) invite u over, slam the door in ur face & set her dog on u


(: lovely house :)

I LIKE!

STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN <3333
the boys making themselves comfortable :D

random shot!
our hostess performing for us! :D

OMG!

Yiyin's house is like NICENICENICE! see the 1st shot? its the stairs leading to the basement where we spent the whole afternoon and most of the night. HEHEHEEEEEEEE

(see Juanne's blog for more pictures!)

surprisingly i was not the latest althou i did smth super malu and then it was super hot and we walked super long time then we reached yiyin's new house and there was this loud sound:

WAAA......

*insert stunned looks of awe*

*mad dash up to house follows the exclaimation*

"eh? why is the door locked?"

"eh, the door is open."

"come, we go to the basement,"

*everyone troops downstairs*

"WAAAAAAAAA yiyin!"

and that is the start of our hermit-like 6hrs++ in there.

FUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

and then we had to leave, and that concludes the fantabulous new house adventure<3

i want to go again!

qiulin & i sang hua xiang! XuShaoYang!!!!! *swoon*

new obsession!

I AM IN LUST.
LUSTLUSTLUST.

AMBROSE XU SHAO YANG

so hot so hot so hot!!!!!!!!!!!
*DREAMY SIGH*
buy me an Ambrose for my birthday. or a Warren, im not picky.
lol.

TODAY, aft sch i decided to go home, but then i went out with NianTee Samantha & JingQiu hahah fun leh we did nonsensical things. sadly, we didnt see GG but ohwell.
we walkwalkwalked around til 1++++ then i went home & changed & then went out to meet Y Q & K. hahaha like code lidat. grr i waited ard then realised they at mrt there. so toot.

we bought lovely things! we talked abt balloons! and peonies! and condoms! and dumb-bells! and boxers! and spongebob! and MATERNITY! andandand......i dont know le.
wa sei i tell u, my bus ride damn long. and tmr going out again, and i am broke and crap lah.


AMBROSE IS SO CUTE

he has been up-ed in my top ten list, and im not penning his screen name anymore, but his given name cos he's so fab. i love his jaw *SO MAN!* lol. i love his shoulders. i love his hair. i love his eyes. i love his smile. i love his arms. i love his bod. *drool* no LOL, jk. i love his expressions. i love that face. HE TURNS ME ON woohoo.

okay enough obsessing.
i am like so tired, i want to sleep.
Ambrose, i love you.
xoxo


LOL.

LALALAAA

dont need to tell me i ought to be studying! but im like damn hungry howwwwwwww.
crap nth to eat, as usual. siiiiiian.
i want to see ggggggggggggggggggggg.
and to suddenly know everything abt math.
and i only got sixty percent for jiacai true friend test.
HAHAHA so much for long time friends.
.
.
.
.
.
cannot tahan, very hungry.



i want to eat duck rice.
THANKYOU KAITING AND JIACAI FOR TEMPTING ME.

stupid jiacai. he finish exams liao............irritating.
seriouslyseriously, there is nth for me to eat here. SUCKSSSSSSSSSS.

andand, anyone knows what to get jiacai (PRESENT) pls CONTACT ME. if u read this and hv an idea, i am assuming u noe how to contact me, if not, TOO BAD. no lah, just go to the side there & u will see how u can contact me.
and i dare to type this here cos that jiacai nvr reads my blog. then whne he does, he nvr tags. then when he tags, its like once in 545378 days. so in short, he nvr reads my blog.

YIYIN:
if u see this pls bring like alot of money with you on friday because i hv no money to pay this week and i am too lazy to contact you to tell you so yeah.

KENNETH:
if u read this i will give u a million dollars because u dont read blogs.

sing a song of six pence, a pocketful of rye!
four and twenty blackbirds sitting on the pie!
when the pie was opened smth smth smth.......
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

GRACE'S TOP TEN MOST IMPT GUYS LIST:
1) Warren
2) ------
3) ------
4) -------
5) --------
6) ---- ---
7) -------
8) ----- ---
9) WUZUN
10) XU ZEYA

hahaha ok the last 2 arent really lah but whatever. i havent seen no.8 in 45642 yrs! hehehee i just just forgotten evryone else on my list i hv such a horrid memory why am i still here i must go study but i am so hungry! i dont care liao going to eat noodles and then STUDEEEEEEEEE.

1000 miles

A Thousand Miles
Making my way downtown,
walking fast, faces pass
and im homebound.
Staring blankly ahead,
just making my way,
making my way through the crowd.

And I need you
And I miss you
And now i wonder

If i could fall into the sky
do you think time would pass me by
cause you know i'll walk a thousand miles
if i could just see you tonight.

its always times like this when i think of you
and i wonder if you ever think of me
cause everything's so wrong and i dont belong
living in your precious memories

Cause i need you
And i miss you
And now i wonder

if i could fall into the sky
do you think time would pass me by
cause you know i'll walk a thousand miles
if i could just see you...tonight.

And i, i dont wanna let you know
And i, i drown in your memory
And i, i dont wanna let this go
I, i dont.

making my way downtown,
walking fast, faces pass and im homebound.
staring blankly ahead
just making my way,
making my way through the crowd.

And i still need you
And i still miss you
And now i wonder

If i could fall into the sky
do you think time would pass us by
cause you know i'll walk a thousand miles
if i could just see you
if i could fall into the sky
do you think time would pass me by
cause you know i'll walk a thousand miles
if i could just hold you
if i could just see you...
tonight.

sigh. love this song, vanessa carlton is so cool. sian diao, dunno do what. hate this stupid damn hot weather.

today was so dumb...almost late to sch, then nvr study, then still crap alot for the test. i left out so many points! but still i tink okay lah. after sch KT Adel and i went J8 eat breakfast where i saw my darling. the darling i've had my eye on since forever...sigh. GG<3 hahaha. jk.

i tink guangyang guy is like, from gyps. if thts so, i've known him like forever. he is like so cute. lol. then jacq came. then we walked J8 for 2hrs. Fun. yay.
Adel & CK! yay. he was nice lah, made that keychain for her. lol i guess love does sneak up on you when u're least expecting it...their story is so funny. not tht they're in love lah, but still.
then gy guy was totally nearby and i was so like, SIGH. lol.

aft tht adel & jacq left for TP and KT & i went home to change & get txtbks. i was early for once & KT made me wait. ORANGE IS LIKE THE COLOUR OF THE DAY. hahaha. we went to tution centre then i saw Juanne & Shirley and blahblahblah Adel & i went KFC where CK saw us and his fren was totally stupid. malu. then aft tht we went library and we saw song downstairs and i was reminded of chi shun a lil bit then CK met us at library.......

and then as i was going home JC asked me to meet him for dinner so i went and im damn full cos of pizza. see my day so eventful. i want to see gy guy leh. i reli tink he's frm gyps lah, but JC doesnt noe who im talking abt.

sigh. i am so wasting my time...i shd just end it all b4 anth starts becos im just so not interested. sweet nothings mean NOTHING and i dont really care if they do anw. i am so not looking for anth, and i dont plan to. im just so deprived tht a lil attention feels nice. esp since the one i want attention from is like, terrified of me. hahaha it is so funny. hilarious. depressing. i mean, doesnt it TELL you smth? i strike fear in ppl's hearts. LOL i am so powerful. so what shd i do?

i dont care luh. adel bought me hawthorn candy! :DD and treated us to KFC! :DD and JC paid for my drink! a lil bit anw. why? becausebecause, I AM BROKE. yes, its true. mum needs to return me money and i still hv to pay for dance class. SIGH. plus i am trying to spend as lil as possible, GSS IS coming. heheheeeeeeeee.

i am so sian lah, im not going to blog le. grah.

Play School<3

Over It:

I’m over your lies

And I’m over your games.

I’m over you asking me when you know I’m not ok

You call me at night,And I pick up the phone

And though you’ve been telling me, I know you’re not alone

And that’s why your eyes,

I’m over it.

Your smile,

I’m over it.

Realized

I’m over it, I’m over it, I’m over

Wanting you to be wanting me

No, that ain’t no way to be.

How I feel, read my lips

Because I’m so over, I’m so over

Moving on, and it’s my time.

You never were a friend of fine

Hurt at first, a little bit

And now I’m so over,So over it

I’m over your hands

And I’m over your mouth

Trying to drag me down and fill me with self doubt

Oh and that’s why your world

I’m over it.

So sure,I’m over it.

I’m not your girl

I’m over it, I’m over it, I’m over

Wanting you to be wanting me

No, that ain’t no way to be.

How I feel, read my lips
Because I’m so over, I’m so over

Moving on, and it’s my time.

You never were a friend of mine

Hurt at first, a little bit

And now I’m so over,So over it
I’m so over it

Don’t call,Don’t come by.

Ain’t no use

Don’t ask me why.
You never change;
Leaving all the crying in the rain

.

.

.

Yay Over It by Katharine McPhee is so nice :DD

i did so many things today. random things.

like, i woke up with absolutely no idea of what i was gonna do aft sch. then during recess kaiting invited me to her hse and i said yes. but then, she changed her mind. and i rmbed tht ben and i might meet. so end up i was to meet KT at 2 and ben aft 3. then i hung ard opp sch real long then went home to change.

was late meeting KT (: we went to macs, where we saw KT's classmate & his fren. KT classmate left & we tried to study but failed appallingly. LOL. ben came & bickered with me. GRR he irritates me. but i proved him wrong hahaha.

ben left and KT & i went walking. we went to the arcade & got score of 101 on the bball game. LOL (: then we pretended to be lil kids.

KaiTing the big baby! ahahha.

grrrrrrrr blogger's being difficult, i cant upload the others. ah, here they come! :)

I'm Grace the Kid! or Kid Grace. sounds cool, eh? :D

then we went for dinner. where i saw Stan. MRT Stan. hehee yes, tht's how i know him. and i rudely but correctly invited purselves to eat with him cos he looked so poor thing, eating alone. haha i know i don like to eat alone. he looked like he cld use some company. Stan's like, rich! haha he's a foreign student frm HK and he just WONT speak Cantonese to me! sigh. not fun lah, i wana hear him speak Cantonese lah so cool can.

the rice stall ppl totally flirted with me. ugh. so not cool.

lalala! tmr got Macs breakfast and im still broke this week boohoo and Stan has small eyes like KT haha so funny omg im thirsty i shall go drink water now oh no this post is so frivolous :D

when you

Dang ni

Ru guo you yi tian
Wo hui dao cong qian,
Hui dao jui yuan shi de wo,
Ni shi fou hui jue de wo bu cuo.
Ru guo you yi tian,
Wo li ni yao yuan
Bu neng zai he ni shang yue,
ni shi fou hui fa jue wo yi jing shuo zai jian.
Dang ni de yan jing mi zhe xiao,
Dang ni he ke le,dang ni chao,
Wo xiang dui ni hao,
Ni cong lai bu zhi dao,
Xiang ni, xiang ni,
Ye neng chen wei shi hao,
Dang ni shuo jing tian de fan nao,
Dang ni shuo ye shen ni shui bu zhao,
Wo xiang dui ni shuo,
Que hai pa dou shuo cuo,
Hao xi huan ni,
Zhi bu zhi dao
Ru guo you yi tian, meng xiang dou shi xian.
Hui yi dou chen le yong yuan,
Ni shi fou hai hui ji de jing tian
Ru guo you yi tian
Wo men dou fa jue
Yuan lai shen me dou ke yi
Wo men shi fou hai hui ting liu zai zhe li
Ye xu kong xu rang wo xiang de tai duo,
Ye xu gai hui dao mei yi mo
Mong li hui xiang yu,
Jiu hao bu you yu
Da sheng de shuo wo yao shuo
Dang ni de yan jing mi zhe xiao
Dang ni he ke le, dang ni chao,
Wo xiang dui ni hao,
ni cong lai bu zhi dao,
Xiang ni xiang ni,
ye neng chen wei shi hao
Wo xiang dui ni shuo que hai ba dou shuo cuo
Hao xi huan ni,
zhi bu zhi dao.

hahahah! so totally an old song. but its the pre hate-cyndi days (:
not much to tell abt today, and anw my leg hurts too much for me to try.
haha.
leg & typing, so irrelevant.
whatever!
i am so,so broke.
sigh.
and unless i am very much mistaken...i am hungry.
dang.

ytd there were newlyweds taking bridal pictures in our sch :DD
so nice (((:
yesyes, hopeless romantic here.
maybe they met in sch, fell in love and thus started their lovestory!
LOL.
fertile imagination.
whee. i am so hungry.

straight talking

HAPPYSEXYPASSIONATECOOL BIRTHDAY JC!!
(its my 8yrs++ fren's bday!)

just got home from school, just turned down an invite for dinner with jc becos i was at my own doorstep and too lazy to walk back to j8, just finished reading my book.

i cant believe i did the SS essay, jeez. my 1st piece of SS hmwk all year.

u know, i've done some pretty stupid things in my life. some were idiotic, most were embarrassing and a few were downright humiliating. like that tim ein day care when i played tht game in a skirt. a flouncy, flowy skirt that- ahem. nvm, lets put tht in the past shall we? and then i realised i do or say an embarrassing thing at least once a week, and i guess, tht's normal. we've all read abt ppl doing stupid things for love, havent we? and u noe what? i admit i've done some PRETTY dumb things in the name of "love", cos its more like obsessive infatutation (: and i rmb most of them well. haha, its funny when u reflect back on them, but at the time? gosh, u just wanna crawl into a hole and die, tht's how bad some were.

and today i realised how much i miss *P (name changed). P and i can still talk, if only for a bit, and i realised tht we;ve just missed a chance for us to grow closer. i mean, heartbreak has always been a reason why women connect and we've nvr gone thru those b4. sure, i has *Ass, then *Jay, but i'd nvr even gone into detail abt it. honestly, i hadnt even been honest. and then recently she had *T, and i kinda er got into smth with *W and we nvr told each other anth. and thts a regret okay, bocos i nvr have anybody to tell everything to. certain ppl FLAKE on me, most cant put themselves in my shoes and... i dunno. it just sucks alot. i wana ask somebody what the hell is going on with me. everything just kinda sucks now. i mean, we're not really super chummy, cos we're too alike. we're like Andy and Tash, always like, u noe? nvm, read the book. im like Tash, and she's Andy, cos she'll nvr do anth as self-destructive as Tash did, but i totally wld. plus i totally needs what Tash does, and it sucks.

yes, i've thought things through. *W was just such a shock, i nvr had time to put up any defence and tht why it started. but then *W turned out to be like every other person and yeah, *W might as well hv ripped my lungs outta me but hell. it happens. and i lived. and he ran. but then those things happen where u cant just ignore, and *W was...nice. i felt like a bitch and went to befriend *W. but tht was all it was gonna be, serious. but then...it just got out of hand. hell, it was nvr meant to go this far, and i nvr meant for anth like that to happen. ok, maybe a little similiar, but not THAT. its just so...awkward. bloody hell.

u see, i gotta stop with the thinking and just do. why bother to tink? nth's ever gonna come outta it, im psychic, i noe what im saying. and besides, fantasies nvr came true (:

hehehe i sound quite wrong. like i did smth...bad. hahah. funny.
am going to drool over Xu Zeya now! :DD

now that you know

"Now You Know"

In these eyes,more than words,
More than anything that I've spoken
As the skies turned to gray
My heart's just about to crack open
So the story goes
There’s something you should know
Before I walk away and I blow the ending
[Chorus]
I never wanna be without you
Oh no, here I go
Now you know
What I feel about you
there's no running
I must have been wrong to doubt you
Oh no there I go
No control
And I’m falling
So now you know

Feel so light, craving oxygen
All this truth's left me empty
Will you run?
Can you handle it?
Cause I need you to tell me
Maybe this is bold
But I’m hoping you’ll stay for the happy ending
[Chorus]
I never wanna be without you
Oh no, here I go
Now you know
What I feel about you
there's no running
I must have been wrong to doubt you
Oh no there I go
No control
And I’m falling
So now you know

No I won’t look back when I tell you what I think about you
No I won’t look back when I tell you what I think about you
So the story goes-yeah you already know
So don’t be a fool and go spoil the ending

I never wanna be without you
Oh no, here I go
Now you know what I feel about you
There's no running
I must have been wrong to doubt you
Oh no there I go
No control, and I’m falling
So now you know

falling in love all over again with this cheesy song. i wish khairi wld return me my cinderella story soundtrack. haha im like cinderella minus the dead father, a mother instead of the cruel stepmother, no evil stepsisters and no fairy godmother. teehee.
then again hilary duff didnt have a winged fairy with a magic wand either, though she did have that cool woman.

now you know now you know. you run, run, run. becos u cant handle it. i dont tink u cld ever, but i did tink u cld. the ending's alrdy been blown so yeah, i dont care anymore. i was warned abt you, so i brought this upon myslf. everything fits, doesnt it? the gray skies, the eyes, the lack of control. i never bothered to correct ur thinking, but i never really wanted to...because it wasnt really necessary. why deny smth that was true? she might not hv known it, but it was true what she said. i guess there is smth u shd know, but im too numb to rmb what. im lying, im not numb. i just dont want to rmb. numb? yeah, maybe tht's what they call it when everytime i tink of it, my throat goes cold & i cant breathe properly. there's no running for me but it certainly doesnt apply to u, does it? u're doing a fair amt of running, enuf for the both of us. i was wrong, but not in doubting you, i was wrong about you entirely. if anth, i was wrong in not doubting you. now im empty and devoid but i know the answers. you will run, you cannot handle it. run all u want, be assured, i wont give chase. i never wanted for this to tur out like this u noe. i had no control any of the events, and those i did, they were fine. you lousy coward, you wont even give me the chance to tell you what i tink abt you. at least let me know so i wont look back anymore. fool. i didnt want you to know. i didnt want you to go. how cld i when i never wanted to be without you? but forget it now, its all over. yeah, now u know, but so do i i was wrong, wrong, wrong. being wrong isnt killing me though, you going away is. but heck, i hate you, so wth.

go away, world.
call me whatever you want, i dont care anymore.
irritating.

Happy Earth Day!

Earth Day Earth Day!
its raining, cool or what?
COOL.

i had plans today.
they all got dashed and im doing nth of which i planned (:
not fun, i want to go shopping.

yesterday olivia julia & i went dance w/o xiuhui. that girl went to watch PHAMTOM OF THE OPERA. so artsy huh? dance was better than last wk! ohcrap wait i just forgot the steps.
*thinks*
oh gosh, i really did forget O.O
ANYWAY, aft dance, we had a nice latelatelate lunch at BK, & oilivia & i splurged on dessert sins! we are so eating healthy nxt wk. uh huh.

then we went shopping. *bliss*
i found 3tops i am gonna buy.
only reason i didnt ytd was the lack of funds ):

OHWELL!
qh promised to go w me on thurs. yippie.
now, i hv to do work.
bleach.
i want to eat!

pink polish with sparkly bits

its friday! its 11+ on a friday night & my eyes are damn tired!
this is due to my past 3hrs of using the com, doing my physics project.

now, my part of research & taking out impt pts are done & zhang ming has just sent then over to jiaxin. i feel so guai.
do u noe how RARE it is that im doing hmwk on a friday night? or even on any night?

COOL.

my left hand nails are now polished pink with sparkly bits! *pretty* :DDD

i wana tell u ppl what my grp discussed in the meeting, it was SO infomative, but alas, i gtg.

cya tmr!

the big routine!

yesterday was saturday(:

i woke up earlier than i normally do on saturdays...granted, i had more sleep, cos of the 2days MC from school. hahaha. i did my chores, then i went to ToaPayoh to support Olivia at campus superstar auditions. Stupid lack of aircon, so hot, but nvm, we were there to support OLIVIA (:

but then Julia, XiuHui & i had to leave for class first, Olivia wldnt be going for class today...class was supposed to be totally explosive & BOOM-y. but the only bombs going off were Patrick's temper. for no apparent reason, he was in a bad mood. oopsy.
he took it out on 2 kids and a few others. thankfully, us 3 were spared.
it was supposed to be the big routine, but cos nearly everyone had forgotten the steps...sigh.
there was this fatty who kept blocking me in the mirror. yesyes, i noe her size needs more mirror space, so i moved, several times, and the bitch just kept following, to prevent me from seeing myself in the mirror, when she totally knew it was important for noobs to see how their steps looked like.
she did it on purpose. grrr.
bitch, its not like she was super good or anything.
see, she brought out the vicious side of me.

then, Patrick was missing his best student (Olivia), so he just kept picking on everyone else, making it sound like we were complete idiots who wld nvr be able to dance properly.
Granted, most of the class were timing/rhythm-impaired, but there was still no need for him to be so cruelly truthful.
i mean, i like Patrick & all, but sometimes he can be a bit...tactless.
he said XiuHui had wrong positioning, that my hand movements were sloppy & abt 6 others who were doing the wrong things.
damn, i was totally like the shit there ytd okay. totally.

i guess i can sympathise with Patrick. (i hv to be vindictive and cruel from here :[ )
our class does seem to hv an exceptionally large amt of ppl who cant really dance, and even a few who cant dance at all, but are simply doing steps.
i guess i can see why Patrick has us down to pathetic. i cant say i wasnt offended when he said we werent there to learn how to dance, but to better appreciate the art of it, thou.
i mean, there ARE a few of us there who CAN dance, eg XiuHui, Julia, me & Olivia, who just need more practise and we'll be as good as the average dancer out there.
like hello, 2wks ago Patrick's favourites were Olivia & that china ballet guy.
by now, isnt it kinda clear that the ballet guy will nvr be able to DO hiphop? he's just so...ballet, not hiphop.
althou he's trying, and i admire that.
some in the class are too afraid to try.
some dont even show up for class )):
oh whatever.
i just wana see what happens next week when Olivia gets back to class.

this time, im not going to stand anywhere near the fatty.

guess what?
its grey skies outside on the left, plus clear blue sky with puffy clouds on the right, and its raining.
see what i mean when i say the weather is indecisive?
it just stopped raining.
tsktsk.

after class, we rushed backt to TP for the results. we missed Olivia's audition, but thats okay, someone videoed it.
i hung round til 6+, then had to scurry home.
the results came out abt 7.45pm.
Olivia didnt make it ='((((((((((((((
i dont know how's she seeing it, but apparently she didnt hv v high hopes.
that girl is one seriously busy girl. if she'd made it, i duno how she wld hv coped with everything else in her life.
its just sad, u know? that she didnt get in.

sigh.
i really shd be studying right now.

---

this is all so dumb, so stupid, the way im going about all this.

i just want to run away from it all, and avoid it for the rest of my life.
i dont know what i mean, i dont know what im running from, but i know i dont want to face it.
i just want to hide like a hermit in my house forever, yet i want to get out and break free of the vice thats got ahold of me.

i dont ever want to go back.
the only joy i seem to get these days is-
never?

i dont know,
im so confused.

whats going on?
why am i feeling this way?
WHAT IS this feeling?
stupid dumb thing.

if only i can get out and DO something...
but what?

i dont think i ever felt more lost.
oh gosh, i need direction, i need goals, i need discipline, i need something to hold me down.
i feel as though im floating away.
seeping thru the spaces between the fingers gripping me.
wait- are they fingers?
or an imaginary hand thats not even there.
im losing my sanity.

u know what i feel like?
like im wandering aimlessly thru empty space, blinded, lost...and im not thinking. im just...void. like there's simply nothing inside me, u know? nothing. i dont even know where im going from here...wherever here is.

what happened to me?
i thought i had plans, goals, achievements, targets!
i had everything mapped out til im 20...didnt i?
now i feel as thou im incapable of responsibility, incapable of doing anything im supposed to.
im through wondering whats happened to me.
the most important questions now is:

what am i going to do?
how am i going to get my sense of direction back?
how can i get my life BACK on track (the track i've so carefully decided upon)?

it sucks to be lost.

funny, the weather seems to be like me nowadays. it cant seem to decide if it wants to be horridly humid, depressingly drizzly, swelteringly sunny or anything.
its just gloomily grey all the time.
how depressing.
then the waterworks just turn themselves on suddenly, and down pours the rain, steadily down, as though it'll never stop.
then it does.
so totally indecisive.

sucks.

from under an umbrella

its a rainy grey thursday & i got my feet wet walking home. am on mc today as im like sick with fluuuuu. fluuuu. my throat hurts like hell. like, owwwwwwwwwww.

and i reli shd be studying now but i've left my blog alone for a wk now & i wana update. just now i went to polyclinic & was supposed to meet qh at 4 but i reached tp mrt at 3.30 & then at 3.40 she said meet at 4.30 but so late, i dowan wait so long so i went back.
at j8 i went to try on this top i wanted but turns out the fit aint all that great; the shoulder area is too big. then i met ranjini & py, who gave me a flyer i had no use for. then i went to buy an oreo mcflurry, & the damn guy obviously has smth against me cos he went to shake it up real bad. i stood there, stunned for a moment, wondering what i had ever done to him, but no answer came to me so i said thankyou & left. ass.

i need to make more lists, hv got many things to do. i wish i was super sick, at least it beats being in between.

get this!
Anderson B girls are in national top 4!
whooo!!!!!!
we beat SCGS on mon, lost to RGS on tues, & beat YuYing ytd!
SC lost to us, beat YuYing, & WON RGS ytd!!! we were all like, OMG! they in or we in?! if they in, we out!!! but we're in, & our next match is on monday against either nanyang or jurong. omg.
:( phs & wrs are out...anderson is the only north zone team left in the running. as i blog, phs & wrs are playing against each other again at clementi. i tink steph & xiaohui are thr X) i wish they both got in! north zone is stong de lor. hais. my throat bloody HURTS.

Amy is in China now, i wonder how she's adjusting. i cant wait til dance on sat, i wana see the routine put tgt! i wana go shopping SO BAD, but i just cant. dosh is tight, & so is my schedule. im abt to go into negative figures alr ):

i wana go to sch tmr, but i dont wana take the math test ): i just wana go trng, cos tmr is shooting, will be slack. and its friday. i love cca on fridays. it is so relaxed. althou seeing how things hv been going lately, i dont tink i'll be relaxed v much. dang, its all my own fault.

sigh.

Light my cigarette, little boy!

Fergie's Glamourous:
if you aint got no money take yo'broke ass home
you say: if you aint got no money take yo'broke ass home
g-l-a-m-o-r-o-u-s, yeah g-l-a-m-o-r-o-u-s

(b-section:)
we flying the first class
up in the sky
poppin' champagne
livin' the life
in the fast lane
and i wont change
for the glamorous, oh the flossy flossy

(chorus:)
the glamorous,
the glamorous, glamorous (the glamorous life)
for the glamorous, oh the flossy flossy

(verse:)wear them gold and diamonds rings
all them things dont mean a thing
chaperons and limousines
shopping for expensive things
i be on the movie screens
magazines and boogie scenes
im not clean, im not pristine
im no queen, im no machine
i still go to taco bell
drivethrough, raw as hell
i dont care, im still real
no matter how many records i seal
after the show or after the grammys
i like to go cool out with the family
sippin', reminscing on days when i had a mustangand now i'm in...
(b-section then chorus)
(ludacris:)
im talking champagne wishes, caviar dreams
you deserve nothing but all the finer things
now this whole world has no clue to do with us
i've got enough money in the bank for the two of us
brother gotta keep enough lettuce
to support your shoe fetish
lifestyles so rich and famous
robin leach will get jealous
half a million for the stonestakin trips from here to Rome
so if you aint got no money take yo'broke ass home
g-l-a-m-o-r-o-u-s, yeah g-l-a-m-o-r-o-u-s

verse:
i got problems up to here
i've got people in my ear
telling me these crazy things that i dont want to know (fuck y'all)
i've got money in the bank
and i'd really like to thank
all the fans, i'd like to thank
thank you really though
cuz i remember yesterday
when i dreamt about the days
when i'd rock on mtv, that be really dope
damn, it's been a long road
and the industry is cold
i'm glad my daddy tell me so, he let his daugther know.

cool, i had no idea the song was abt that.

yawn. short week, & im not used to missing fridays. fridays are like, the best way to welcome the weekend. im stil glad thou.

went to sch late ytd, was lazy to stand at gate during assembly thus went to eat first. ugh, eating. too much of it lately okay. i've downed 2packets of Ruffles since last week tues or smth, but they're so good!
grr i want to go shopping. no, MUST RESIST TEMPTATION. hv to save up for present.

i've been really snappy this week. more than usual :(
im sorry at all the ppl i may hv upset (or not, cos i noe some din hear me) i noe i snapped at you guys & it totally wasnt ur fault SORRY.
pls blame PMS. or maybe im just not in a swell mood. sigh. sorry.

after school today i went to eat opp with some frens & we ate at a void deck, where we observed the shouting of a crazed old hag. oops, thats mean. then we got scared off by her coming towards us ("RUUUUN!!" no jk.) Lynette ran the fastest & forgot Nicholas' hp. So he had to go back to take then they came up with idea to go disturb the woman.
So Danny went & tried to help light her cigarette, only the lighter was empty :X the woman scolded him & lumbered off. we followed, giggling like mad.
she is freaky.

i dont wana stay home with Mum tmr...crap shd hv had dinner with ppl tonight, i forgot Mum's going to Aunt's place...i noe! i'll watch the dvd i borrowed! yay.

can we fix it please? i dont like fighting and cold shoulders.

`my april fools day(:

Daddy's birthday!

i woke up at 10+, late for meeting misato. oops. she & i were going to buy a teddy bear for tht idiot chishun then meet the rest at 12.
no one informed us tht it had been cancelled.
i found out half an hr b4 we were supposed ot meet them & obviously both of us were damn pissed. but we went to buy the bear anw, nice ppl tht we are.

we went to eat at macs, where we started toying with possible pranks to pull...as it IS April Fools Day X)
we were mad at the guys, so.......
*calls kimchi*
*calls kimchi again*
*calls marcus*
"hello marcus? do u noe u make misato cry? she was totally looking forward to this the WHOLE wk, & then u cancel? u make her damn sad can, then now she crying & wont stop. walao. misato nvr cries lor, then now she wont stop! i duno what to do..."
HEHEHEEE we are evil. misato cldnt stop laughing. i am such a gd actress. i spent 5min on tht call.
WICKED X)
the whole point was to make them feel super bad. marcus was v apologetic & went to scold the others. chishun then apologized ltr & he sounded so apologetic tht we decided to tell him it wasnt true.
it was damn funny.
sorry guys, u were good sports :) & chishun stil gets his bear.

we were on a roll. so we pranked more ppl. we told like 5ppl tht misato was in love with them & got mixed reactions...i like kanika's best :DDDD junhe's wasnt v funny.
its so cool tht ppl can forget its april fools day.

i found out smth totally traumatic today :( i dont even noe how it began! how come ppl dont believe meeee... spent a fortune on food, how gluttony!

went to misato's place & laughed like crazy at ourselves on youtube XD
studied a LEETLE bit.
tried to choreograph moves but had no time.
went home.
bought loads of snacks at cheers on the way ))):

going to do hmwk now, happy aprils fools day everybody! :D

passion is as passion is<3

im sooo happy,
im finallyfinally doing what i LOVE
and that makes me so happy ((:

i got out of bed today, unsure if i'll make it to class. but as it turns out, i managed to finish chores in time to choing to class :D
i had absolutely very leetle time to get ready so i just grabbed a shirt,shorts & one of Cousin Amy's necklaces & dashed down to city hall like a madwoman. ugh.
all i ever accessorize with anymore are necklaces.
i shd really make an effort.
hmm.

anw i thot i was late. plus betty was MIA, so i sms-ed Julia who said XiuHui was on her way too. Olivia was cabbing down & wld be slightly late. ANW, dance was superfun today!
SUPERFUN
<333333
im so glad i made it to class, i wld hv KILLED myslf if i missed it today :DD
xiuhui likes dance now! & shirley & i were asked to stand in front & i was like, !#$%^&* !!! LOLLL it wasnt that bad in the end. olivia was so pro today, patrick likes her now. patrick tinks im weird cos i kept pulling my outfit ): in my haste, i had worn an outfit which showcased my flab & i kept tugging at it, so much so that he read it. HEH.
i guess the gd thing is he cld point out my mistakes & correct them (:
ate with julia, xiuhui & olivia at BK then rushed home while olivia went to campus auditions. mommy didnt allow me to go & support olivia & daphne )): OHWELL.

i've decided im going to listen to hongwei more from now on.
ziai too.
goodbye temptation & restlessness!

i need to go study for chem now (:

fishnet umbrellas

steph showed me the 10 reasons she specially got for me cos im EMO
LOL it was hilarious. i love the fishnet umbrella, Unhappy meal and get sunburn frm opening the fridge ones X)

AND vs Newtown today
won 73:35 :D
& omg the WRS vs Newtown guys match b4 us was so scary, esp the freethrows which wld decide the outcome of the game!

big nose, big nose, big nose
discrimination & hypocrisy

i totally got misunderstood lately. once, twice, three times, four.

nooo.

how come ppl see things this way when its actually so far from the truth?

and how come ppl only believe what they want & if the truth's not the answer they're looking for, they reject it?

bombed the math test today ):
moodwise:
neutral, kinda slacky b4 recess
panicky aft recess
cheery aft sch (according to misato)
excited during match
sian diao upon reaching sch
frustrated when practising shooting
super sian diao from dinner on til reach home

i had rojak for dinner & amazingly im still full.
fantastic.
oops, it was more like 3/4 plate of rojak.
and a cup of ice cream.

to sum up this week, it was emotionally conflicting.
i have many accusations thrown at me now, like my 'too proper' speech, my supposed dao-ness (=.= i am like, so not dao), my bumbo-ness and a few more i am too lazy to type out.
am going to bed, so sian lor.

buy me a fishnet umbrella u pundeh, LOLLL
i injected indian in my speech, happy?

a trip to the doc's

i just went to the nsc for my appt and didnt go 4 training, which, u may not belif, i reli wanted to go.
i was using my big pony bag today. as usual, it was partially open ( or closed, whichever)
& i cldnt help but wonder what ppl must hv thot of me, with my coke & pringles inside. they must hv been like, gawd, look at her awful diet! soft drinks & chips, gosh!
becos, quite a few ppl looked at me, & this woman stared at me as i was drinking my coke. i tink the nurse gave me a glance too. im nvr bringing junk food there again.

oh. my doctor's name is MALCOLM WATSON GREAVES.
uh, sounds like grieves.
not a gd thing huh? esp when he's a doctor.
OH, THE IRONY.
:D
ooh. prof greaves is so cool. for one, he does look kinda grievy, like, he din smile at all or crack a joke to lighten the tension. he's got coffee brown eyes, head full of thinning white hair (HA, oxymoron, head FULL of THINNING...ok nvm) & these wrinkles which say "I AM WISE & KNOWLEDGABLE" hehe.
he went quiet for a bit & i thot, oh, how gloomy. & then he says, "so if nth else we'll see u again in 2mths" & he smiles!

LOL he looks so grandfatherly when he smiles. i am operating on a hunch that that is what grandpas look like cos mine both died long ago, but prof greaves totally looks like the grandpa type pictured in the movies!
So cool, lol.

So then aft that i went down to the pharmacy to collect my meds & i was so busy sms-ing ppl that i went str in & totally forgot to take a queue number!
plus, i didnt rmb.
so i sat down waiting stupidly for like 25min =.=
all the while happily sms-ing away & tinking my turn's bound to come soon.
-.-
why am i so bimbotic?!?!?!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR pissed off.
i feel so DUMB.
at least i rmb-ed then, & didnt stone there the whole afternoon.
grahh.

So guess what?
Consultation fee ALONE was $21, w/o govt sub is $48.70!
O.M.G.
AND, the 2meds i got cost $23.05 in total, & i dont even wana noe how much it wld hv been w/o govt paying some of it.
i am so broke now.
$40+ on doctor stuff ):

i am going to finish my coke & pringles.
(PS, i am seriously disturbed by this GIANT UGLY lizard in the room, u tink XiaXue will come & kill it for me? i hate lizards, & this horrid one is STARING at me. oh, shudder.)
X(