LET US SING

OH WHAT IS THIS SONG MY HEART SINGS

THIS TIMELESS TUNE AND LALA-ING?

AH IT IS THE HAPPY SONG!

LOLLLL.

can you tell im happy?

yes! it has been a good day. despite the rain and lack of umbrella. didnt get soaked though so thats okay.

today was korean food day! and it wasnt postponed! yay, lol.

kanika came over at bout 2, and we proceeded to bore ourselves silly. i was in a MOOD. you know, females and their moodswings.  but i got outta it soon. i have hot pink toenails! its very....bright. yeah. lol. we talked bout many things like my ridiculous diary from last year and quoted many movies :D

 so i took like 2 hrs to get ready, inclusive of toenails and then we were off to bubble tea shop. after a waffle (me), milk tea and cheese fries (her), we went to j8 for candy and soya bean milk. well she for candy and i the other, but yeah. and we reached novena early!

and me brought my camera to take pics of our food but only rmb-ed after we finished everything =.=

my saba fish was awesome! and justin didnt mesh too bad with us at all. matthew was surprisingly tall. like, woooooo talll. unfairity. LOL talking like Jolene from Calefare. loads of weird things were discussed over dinner, after which we had dessert!

matthew had yogurt

i had soya bean ice cream (SOOOO GOOD!)

kanika had donuts

misato had donut

justin had mint choc ice cream

yay! we were all happy and stuffed.

we found a nice place to put our butts and started crapping abt everything. lol, leg hair, chest hair, facial hair, waxing, eyebrows, toe lengths, hair treatment, indian ah lian and the one topic that owned everything: Misato's stupid deed. lol. it was so dumb i still cant believe her.

jeez. *shakes head*

and then we went out separate ways and justin is leaving for NZ on thurs, back nxt sunday, yiyin for china this sunday back on 12 and kenneth back on 18 i think....damn cant rmb.

woot i am just so ridiculously happy because i havent seen them all in so long and its rare that besties see each other alone, so it was like knowing justin as a different person. im glad we meshed. like, the girls, then matthew and justin, then matthew and misato (LOL), and me and justin. and i think we're watching twilight tgt next wk, well not justin since hes gonna be in NZ with the baabaa and the kiwis. ah the kiwi.

oh and i think i may have a job by tmr, if baikohken hires me. hope i can say tencho. lol. yay i am happeeeeeeeeeeee.

khairi and i were just talkin bout how nobody knows the magic of photos anymore. like, evrybody uses digital cams and dont develop pics and it just aint the same. i wld really like to print some of my pics, but i think it may cost me alot of money. BUT ME WANTS USE MY MANY PHOTO FRAMES :(

okay i need to watch avatar and skip beat. me will talk to you later.

USE ME USE ME!

im quite sick of ppl using me whenever they see fit and then discarding me as though i no only have any worth. oh they come back, sure, but only when im needed once again for help or company, and after that, i might as well be non-existent.

strangely enough the status is nvr two-way. when i need smth, its always "oh sorry i have this thing on" or when i want smth its "oh but i dont feel like it why dont you do this other thing instead"

and on the rare occasions someone else initiates smth and i push for details, its

"oh why must i decide everything, very irritating leh, i decide that thing can you go do the other things or not", which of course, sounds very fair, except i dont hear any complaints when i am the one to plan, organise and execute everything. then, you just sit around meekly and nvr think to say anth like "oh why must you organise everything can i decide on smth please"

i suppose when i do it, it isnt irritating at all, because i am oh i forgot, just as human as the rest of the world.

sure, i know its simply EASIER to LET someone else do all the planning, cos then all you hv to do is show up, huh. oh and planning is so troublesome, checking with everybody this and that, its easy to get tired of it. i sure know how that feels! seeing as i do virtually most of the planning (and i use the word 'most' loosely, as if i go thru all the past times we went out tgt, all of us i mean, it can be counted on one hand, and I am very sure I was the one who had to handle all the tiny details, never once having had any help, and not because i didnt ask for it, but because everytime i asked for smth, like an opinion, its OH ANYTHING LAH YOU DECIDE LOR) and everyone thinks its so easy breezy for me to do, all you need to do is plant an idea in Grace's head and she'll plan everything for you "oh grace let's do this tgt! ask so-and-so out also lah!"

oh okay, sure, it's not like I AM GOOD FOR ANTH ELSE ANYWAY!

and then, odd as it is,  find i am always the one who has to pick up the pieces and solve everything whenever a problem arises, which is, by default, THE ORGANISER'S RESPONSIBILITY yeah, so duh, just leave it to grace. yet on the rare rare rare occasions someone else has planned smth and a problem comes up, "oh grace can you ask what happened? im so confused can you do it? okay bye!" sure, i can do it, but maybe i dont want to? i really am sick of doing all the work, why cant i just SHOW UP for once and not hv to do anth, to deal w anth? why do i hv to pick up the pieces? why do i have to solve every problem?

when i help ppl, its because i want to, not because i have to. yet, just cos i do it, doesnt mean i am EXPECTED to help, after all it IS your problem, and i am actually doing you a favour, so dont you go all sulky on me when i suggest other ppl to help you or tell you that i cant help you. and i absolutely hate it when ppl whine/sulk "then how?", i mean, HOW THE HELL DO I FREAKING KNOW, DO I LOOK LIKE SOME KINDA COMPUTER TO YOU? DO I LOOK LIKE I HAVE THE DATABASE TO AUTOMATICALLY AND EASILY SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS? i mean, i use my brain like everyone else, so go use yours and think of a solution by yourself.

so sick of being used used used.

and its not like its by one person or two ppl or smth. its basically everybody i know. like, if you have the time to complain that no one has organised anth, then go do smth bout it yourself. when someone is kind enuf to plan smth, it does not mean that the person has to do it all the time. if you want to complain abt being forgotten, then stop sulking and be pro-active; make someone feel remembered and important and then next time you wont likely to be forgotten then, will you? jeez. instead of being completely selfish (i hate selfish ppl, who made you all impt anw) and refusing to attend someone else's bday party just cos no one rmbed yours earlier in the year. ugh. its truly disgusting. i mean, the person's your fren too!

the least you could do is be grateful when someone else does all the work, and then do it instead the next time round, instead of taking it for granted and sitting back in ease waiting for the next invitation.

used used used. do i have 'use me' tattooed across my head in bold? i dont understand. everybody freaking uses me.

dont use me as your punching bag, i didnt cause your problems. dont use me as your events organiser, i didnt sign up for that. dont use me as your last resort friend for company, i dont do that to you.

you know one other thing, like when someone impt to you asks you out, you're like okay. you make time for the person, and you reserve one day for him/her and stick to it. and when other ppl ask you out on the same day, you TELL THEM NO because you have other obligations, yeah. it annoys me to no end when you ask someone out and the person says, oh i dont know, i might hv smth on that day. and then u suggest another day and the same thing is said, with "i tell you again another day okay!" added (which usu nvr comes back btw). that's okay, but my point is why cant you just say YES and tell your other frens NO? am i that insignificant in comparison to everyone else? its like you're incapable of saying no to all your other frens except me. i wanna know why. do u take me for granted so much that you think i'll always be around, at your beck and call whenever, for whatever? i truly think thats the reason. and i detest being taken for granted. i hate hate hate it. if u think i'll always be around and thats why you can say no to me instead of ur other frens, then going by the same theory, you dont say no to them because they may not stick around? that is twisted.

i am so exhausted.

if i am so unimportant to you ppl, i dont see why i shdnt treat each of you the same way i am treated.

i never hated myself more than i did now. seems all i did in my sixteen years werent enuf, i am still a worthless piece of rubbish to ppl, and i've accomplished nothing in my life. im not as impt to anyone as they are to me, and that means i've not made any real special friendships.i am merely an acquaintance.  turns out i am really just a waste of space after all.

and actually i think i've pretty much suspected myslf to be as such, for i now see all my attempts at making plans and organizing things as efforts to make myslf valuable in the eyes of others. i am so sickeningly insecure. and perhaps my plan worked, for thats all i seem to be good for, but then after that i seem to hv no other value, no other substance. i am worthless.

dont try to tell me otherwise, cause all the ways you ppl treat me just exemplifies my worth, i meant lack of. oops.

so please just leave me alone. i dont want you faking your niceties to me no more. just tell it to me straight. "grace, you are nothing to me"

McGrace upsized

heya peeps how're you doing?

i've been locking myslf indoors and ordering alot of mac. and the strangest thing happened ytd. after i placed my order (of which i am not abt to reveal as it may just shock you into staring pointedly at my stomach the nxt time you see me) i heard the girl say "thank you, enjoy your meal" which is normal right but then i thought i heard her add "take care of your skin!".

LOLLLLL.

it might just be me but i swear i heard that. and anw what else does it sound like anw? ok so i ordered mcwings so maybe she said smth like "take care of the skin!" meaning the chicken skin but it still doesnt make sense so yeah. what a strange encounter.

i have a double cheeseburger hidden in my house. and last night i had a mcflurry at 1am. ok i need to stop announcing my piggy-ness.

oh speaking of food, i really hope that KOREAN FOOD wont be postponed again nxt week. we've alr changed it twice! AND both times cos of the guys. jeez, i thought girls were the troublesome ones. lol.

am thinking of pinking my toenails! and when i say pinking, i mean PINKing. hot pink. very hawt pink. ooh yeah babehh its time to break out my hot pink fetish once again.

ooh movie with bets and qh tmr, so exciting. me needs a job and stupid qh has two interviews tmr b4 she meets us. am jeaaaaalous. argh, me needs to get a grip and put on my responsible, working young adult face.

lalala.

hey.

dont i like still owe prom pics? hahah its been 10days since grad ball and i still havent posted pics.

i wanna wear my slutty shoes. however i dont think wearing them whilst job hunting exactly portrays the right image. ohwell.

i LOVE Mulan. it is so one of my fave movies ever ever ever. sigh. Disney classic indeed. and Shang is so hot. lol okay moving on.

i hv nth else to say. buhbye!

youtube-ing

hello! i've been youtube-ing all night and omg i need to be up in 2hrs omgggggg

hahhahahahh.

i love Skip Beat! so glad we're one of the first to be watching, but it means i cant find it on youtube!!!! i think even now in japan they also havent watch the ending :( who ask them to air only in october. yes, this yr! cool right so recent :D

i swear it reminds me of all the romance novels lol but its super funny though of cos, predictable. 

okay im bushed, thou i dunno why seeing as i only woke up at like 4. and omg i need to wake up uber early, byebyebyebyebye!

:)))

lost in transaction

heyhey i got up at three thirty and reached Ju's hse at four ten :)

in case you wondered, yes we live uber near.

aiyah so weird my life feels so float-ey and drift-ish.

anyway

had gone to help Ju do her makeup for her prom night which is like nownownow. she has so little things! and she almost look like white-faced white-y cause her foundation was TWO SHADES LIGHTER THAN HER SKIN TONE. ahahhahah.

GRACE TO THE RESCUE.

i am supergirl.

lucky i brought my foundation. hahah. and lucky it matched. lucky lucky.

love her blue. think i almost screwed up her face. i hope she looks okay. whoever sees her give me feedback! i know im rusty but i dont think it was that bad :) she looks good kay. hah.

and so coincidentally she bought the tube dress i tried on at central w kanika and misato! what made me look pregnant makes her look like shes got miles of legs.

UNFAIRNESS.

and everybody wants to see the stilettos i wore to prom, lol. is it that hard to believe i was tall that night?!?? Hahahah.

cant believe grad ball was so long ago alr.... i miss the feeling of having a purpose in life! has it really been four days since? is it really over?

WE SHD ALL HV A BESTIE PROM PARTY OMG.

kay need to think of a plan.

damn i am such a good party planner.

we need cry-ey music! the mushy mushy type tht makes us all weepy and happy :D

and i want a mani pedi!!!!! :((((

am the only one i know tht didnt get one. damn sad.

WHO WANTS TO COME STAY OVER. im so tired of being alone at home!

oh mighty heavens, hear thy plea!

make my haven a place for thee!

hmm im not sure that says what i want it to say.

OH ANYHOO

FRIENDS, COME STAY OVER.

thanky yooo.

Grace the round character

i am a round character! are you round or flat?

AHAH i love literature.

im terribly awake. i stayed up the entire night yesterday, doing God knows what, and fell asleep at 9. am, not pm. and i wasnt even all that sleepy.

think i have too much energy not put to good use.

my mum will scream at me to pack my room, and Yiyin wld agree.

LOL.

oh and in my previous post! i realised i did wanna change smth bout me at prom, the way my lashes were curled! but lets not get finicky. finicky. what a cute word.

wow time flies when you blog. or read. i was reading a book last night - or at least i started round four thirty, and the sky got light real fast. methinks sleep is a waste of time. but post Os, i have time to waste. been staying home mostly, after monday aka prom night.

doodledoodoo.

i feel happy. must be all the chocolatey stuff i consumed earlier while watching that anime. happy does not come easy to me when i dont do anth and positively nth exciting happens, so its actually rather surprising. in a good way, of course.

hunger.

me is hungry.

shall resist.

but somehow when u're hungry, eating seems nice. of cos, eating is always nice. and anw post prom, eating is so okay. but not when you have no money, like me in my current state.

you know, im having loads of small revelations these days. its cool.

i said im happy now, but i wasnt, really wasnt, just 24hrs ago. i honestly dont know what i did to bring about this lighter mood, but im glad for it. and i want Kanika to feel better, i dont like it when im happy and my frens round me are not.

i was soooo ecstatic two nights ago, for unknown reasons (well, unknown to you readers) and felt bad being so delighted when meifeng herself had not felt so peachy. peachy. how cute :D

mood swings plague girls every so often, and FYI we're not having the monthlies every time we get hit by the mood swings. not easy to be a girl. you males have it easy, man.

yay Christmas is round the corner. i love Christmas, who doesnt? all the delightful songs and heartwarming movies. i really love Christmas. i have a feeling that this year's will be great. better than ever :)

hope there's a family party. i really miss all the family parties we'd had when all my cousins were small. soo heartwarming. ohwell we're all big kids now.

Christmas reminds me of angels, and it kinda makes my heart swell with happiness. no idea why, but it just does. i wld so love to have a snowy Christmas someday, but right now i cant bear to be apart from all my friends. everyone's generally happy round that time of the year, and you see so many more smiles on the street.

and there's just smth bout finding the perfect gift for someone you love. i know i said there is no perfection, but when you're all filled with christmas-y happiness you get that feeling that there is. LOL am i making sense?

i've alr found and given kanika her christmas present! she wore it to prom. a ring! a zebra print ring. so her. am gonna show it to ya soon.

am i growing up? i am suddenly imagining myself married with a family and using a family photo on a christmas card. naw, its just the holiday season movies playing in my head.

gosh, im so happy, its really quite ridiculous.

i hope Beatty Sec's prom goes well tmr! many of my frens in there. and my cousin too! yay. feel like going round hugging everybody, best stay away from me, its crazy. hahah.

oh and, i wanna thank Ian for listening to me just now. Ian Tan Ru Jun, omg i still rmb ur full name! thanks for wanting to hear my story, it was really fun telling  it. i get such a thrill when i find the right words.

am looking forward to saturday's korean food with justin misato and kanika. oh and matthew, thou i dont know him well. havent seen justin in a while! time for a Bestie outing you guys!

so cai and qiulin are outta town. cai is in korea, LOL, and i dunno where linlin is. and kenneth is gg away too.... boohoo we are all on different time zones.

Hugh Jackson is People mag's new sexiest man alive! I APPROVE.

come on now, you know who that is. wolverine dude, rmb? and apparently he is very, very hot in Australia. i mean the movie, not the country. althou perhaps he is. i really dont know. Hugh Jackson is British and comes with a v sexy accent. damn, i do like older men dont i. he's like, what, 42? lol im guessing. misato says i like hot anth. i just rmb-ed. lol. not true, man. hot is subjective anyway.

you know whats scary? inquisitive relatives. they bug you bout your life, questioning everything from your grades to who u're dating. i still rmb how my relative asked me if i had a boyfriend then told me not to get one and concentrate on O levels first. now that they're over, i hope they wont bug me about boyfriends. although with the current dynamics in my extended family they probably will be. i can just hear them.

"yu lin, you mei you nan peng you?" (translates to grace, do u hv a bf?)

this question in chinese and cantonese. not english, cos my cousins know better than to ask. if they ask, that means i get to ask, and i know they like to keep their things private, like i do. our families tend to share all the stories. freakish.

im the only girl amongst my cousins on my mum's side in s'pore now! omg, not good. Amy and Jasmine are in Shanghai.... i hope they grill someone else. maybe Daniel :D

i realise this post isnt bout anth in general, but bout everything in general. but hey, its fun.

i wonder who's awake. probably no one i know. oh well. i love the peace.

am very upset that the silver coating has peeled off the letter 'E' on my hp mini. what to do!

okay. i am gonna pick up a new skill, or more, in this long break. i want to paint someone's room! yiyin and qianhui, arent we supposed to paint your room?

hey, would you rather be fat and happy or slim and unhappy? i think i'd pick the latter, though you can lose weight. okay actually the former is good too. hmm bad question.

would you rather live in the present time or in the 1800s? or 1900s, it doesnt matter when, just past or present. i'd pick past. especially since im a girl, life would have been easier. i know women's rights might not have been established yet, and we might be subjected to take whatever men threw at us, but that can happen nowadays too actually. if i lived in the past, i wldnt have to.... i dont know, i supposed its just the feeling of wanting what you cant have.

unknowingly i have blogged about a whole lotta stuff. cool huh.

am in the mood for an intelligent and illuminating conversation. or a really good book.

yeah im a bookworm. love books.

do buy me book vouchers if you have no idea what to get me! books these days are so expensive i cant bear to buy any.

think i'll go now, if i say too much there'll be no more left to know bout me anymore :)

The Dress

you know how ppl think Os are the end of everything and after that there's no longer need to stress?

POOH.

prom prep puts more pressure on ppl than Os! i mean, if u cant find a dress, YOU CANT FIND A DRESS, and tht's exactly what happened to me! you can close your mouth now, i know you think i probably found everything two mths b4 prom but truth be told.....i didnt.

so what did i do?

well aside from having multiple prom disaster nightmares, nothing much til after end of Os. seriously. and my nightmares? they almost came true. i actually felt like i was living them for a bit, and it scared the hell outta me.

they all go pretty much the same; im all excited bout grad ball and talking bout all the stuff i was gonna do and planning all the prom prep, that i didnt notice the time passing and suddenly the day was upon me and i hadnt actually DONE anth.

i end up late and in an old dress i had lying around cos i hadnt bought anth. in one nightmare, i was actually wearing the wrong shoes.

freaky.

i began dress searching four days before end of Os but in the back of my mind i knew i had a last resort dress in my closet. the nxt day however, i found it looked not too hot on me so i effectively was in the race for the perfect dress.

misato had the dress.

leaving me pris and kanika.

then kanika found one on monday night, 10 nov.

and pris bought one not long after.

gasp.

yiyin had hers long ago.

meifeng found one.

as did kailing.

i

was

the

last

one.

shopping every single day, i must hv found smth right? yep. except i lost it. it was a last pc and it got sent back to the supplier the morning i went back for it. sigh. and it was saturday by then. prom was 2 days away and i was dressless! it was without a doubt, an emergency.

meifeng was great though, she went out w me on sunday. the day before prom. to find me a dress. i cant begin to describe how stressed i was. we set out early at 11am.

ironically,we found it in the first store we went into, a store i had insisted we skip every other time we had gone shopping. topshop.

hahah. talk bout irony.

i was kinda desperate by then (COME ON, DAY BEFORE PROM.) so even the hefty price tag didnt deter me much. surely $143 was okay right? 

besides, it had all the makings of a 'me' dress. a different cut, a different look, the shiny material. not to mention it wld so rock w sex and the city shoes.

if only i had decided on the look i wanted earlier. shopping wld hv been so much easier.

before, i wanted jewel tone sleek. for such a hot trend, it was amazingly difficult to find. or fabulously expensive. i saw one 300 over dollar one in robinsons that fit the bill, w the only prob its length and of cos, price.

and i had always been really into the fitted waist, so a tie-back seemed a natural choice. that is, til i realised just bout evrybody i knew, EVERYBODY, was wearing a tie-back dress.

being the fussy me who just had to look different just cause i could, i didnt wanna buy anth like that. and admit it, tubes halters spaghetti straps- common beyond common.

i dont know why i didnt wanna look generic so badly, but i just didnt.

all looked bleak til the day before prom when i found the strappy black number in topshop.

i'd finally settled on smth tht bordered on rock chic. think smth on the line between casual and formal. and i know i was very adverse to it previously, but i'd decided black was the way to go.

yay me.

now, i considered some other choices. like the black banded bottom dress in warehouse with the strappy back. (SO costly. and banded bottom. omg.) and the gorgeous black dress in ms selfridge with the sequined waist. their prices were all abt $40 of each other, the topshop one in the middle. with meifeng's help, i finally decided on that. it wasnt perfect, but it was as near as i could get. a dress in the commonest colour with a most uncommon cut. i adore the beaded straps!

okay i admit i had misgivings. after all, it was rather low cut, and the back was... unusual.

and when i put it on coupled with the hot beyond hot stilettos i found later, i wondered if i looked like a slut.

Grace is many things, but she is no slut. i was going for the rock chic sex and the city stilettos look, but did i pass that and hit slutty?

PLEASE SAY NO :(

after all it wasnt figure hugging and it stayed in place.

and when i put the whole ensemble tgt, complete with chunky bangles, chunky ring and chunky heels, i was happy.

so i didnt care.

and i realised smth i had nvr quite been able to grasp before, the way too self conscious me. as long as u're happy, nothing else really matters.

so you see, there really is no perfect dress. if you think you look good, and you feel good, you're happy. and that's The Dress.

everything comes with imperfections, and the flaws are really what makes something truly special. so maybe this whole post was a waste of time, but im happy, and i learned smth.

not just when it comes to dress hunting, or even shopping in general, but life.

there is no perfection. there is no perfect look, no perfect place, no perfect man. there is only love and acceptance.  embracing everything about the thing or the one you love, and not wanting to change anything about it. only then can you be truly happy.

all along i'd wanted the perfect dress to make the prom look perfect, but it isnt the dress that makes somebody, is it? that night, i didnt want to change anything on me. i didnt want my arms to be toner, i didnt want myself to be skinnier and i didnt want myself to be anyone else, but me. that's never happened before. the only thing i wanted that night? some oil blotters.

hahahahahha.

and okay, im sure my double chin could hv been less obvious, but whatever! i was happy :)

im not sure how shopping for a prom dress taught me this, but it did, somehow.

LOL i  never meant for this post to be that deep, it really just started out as a frivolous post, but ohwell.

and this concludes this post.

pee oh ass tee

post school post prom post everything.

gosh.

life is annoying. im so ready to throw myself into someone else's life for a bit, mine just kinda blows right now. so glad i got some books from the library today.

at least my room isnt as terrible to be in as compared to last night, i was all too aware i was alone. having had a fren stay over on monday night made me realise all over again how i hated being an only child.

hmm actually i think tonight isnt all tht great either. i feel all lost and space-y. you know, all my life has no purpose and stuff.

sigh sigh sigh.

you know how you really care bout smth then that thing is taken away and you're so upset and then after a long time you finally kinda move on (but u nvr really fully let it go cos u cared so much) but then smth happens tht reminds u all over again of how u felt bout tht thing and you rmb how much u cared and you hurt all over again cept its almost worse this time cos it feels like u're being hurt a second time?

yeah well, freaking get over yourself. ugh. life goes on.

okay! tmr i am gonna go get me some oeros and oh wait not gg out tmr. hmmmmm.

shiver me timbles i wanna watch movies.

am so hungry. and this is a boring post, damn it.

lol okay i shall post again on a day where my brain is actually fully functional.

oh and i forgot, Os are over. O.V.E.R.

goodbye anderson. goodbye old life.

goodbye! :)

when the going gets tough...

the tough get going, and the not so tough freak.

can i freak now?

omfg.
omfg.
omfg.

i want to cry hysterically, and i want to eat oreos, but first i wanna know who that cute guy in the show i just saw on tv is.
oooh, me like what me see...
NO WAIT.

MUST CONCENTRATE.

chemistry textbook,oh chem book where fore art thou chemistry textbook?
hmm i wonder who i've got chemistry with.

FOCUUUSS!!!

omg! did you know Ian Thorpe's bday is this coming monday? 13 oct! i think. *melts into puddle of unidentifiable liquid(hopefully water, cause he likes :D)*
ian ian ian ian ian. gosh i love saying his name. (this does not apply to Ian Tan, friend and fellow Kidz Impact-er. Ian Tan loses terribly to Ian Thorpe. yay!) -

STOP
IT
GRACE

mm sleep, yeah i think that's what i need.

to bed!

As MKA would say...

so many sprees, so little time.

so much studying, so little time.

so much money, so little time.

so many wants, so little...money!!

argh!!!!
i am so in trouble, i am so in love, i am so addicted, i am so procrastinating, i am so broke, i am so stewpid!!!!

too good to be true

its back to SGD$1.45. life sucks.

oh well.

someone needs to pack room esp the table.

I HOPE SOMEONE CANCELS, I REALLY NEED AN APPT BY OCTOBER, ITS REALLY IMPT TO ME :(

blue rocks.

Mid Autumn Festival

did everyone eat their mooncakes today?
good.
you just consumed like 3meal worth of calories.

i ate two mini mooncakes. goodness. just kill me please.

am gonna hv to find time to go to the doctor. omg. u think chye will let me off? i think not. damn it damn it damn it.

stress kills.

still trying to save the earth, one piece of paper at a time. and one plastic bottle at a time too. yep.

i gotta go.

luxury is an attitude

today, meifeng yingyu and i hit town all geared up for some serious shopping. i think i went home the poorest w yingyu the nxt poorest. mf wanted to shop but found nth for her.

i love my new things! hv no idea why am in love w hot pink. yy got a new bag. and i wanted these satin dresses which i had no money for. preeeetty.

mum got me my sexy beyond sexy new shoes! c&k only had size6 left which luckily fits me just right so thats why...i got blisters.
well. new shoes. blisters are like their way of saying hello, master.
THEY LOOK SO GOOD ON MY FEET :D

so, i hv tuition tmr. sigh. no more breaks frm here, just study all the way.
i know what you're thinking, but no, i wont be thinking abt TTF. just my chem and physics results.

damn forgot to make mf and yy go to novena.
i really wanna watch the new vin diesel movie. and make it happen. and i need to go to the polyclinic. crap.

im getting this cap fr f21 which im nt crazy abt. i think i wont wear it when it comes. how? sigh. why did my baby hv to go oos. unfairness.

bedtime sleeptime dreamtime.
toodly-o.

kayeffsee

there are vampire mosquitoes in my house, and they do not even morph into sexy hot males, so why are they doing this to me???
i've been in my room 9min, n alr i've been bitten seven times.

SEVEN.

that means i've been bitten at least ten times today, and im not even exaggerating. and there's these 2bites tht were close to each other? yeah they've merged into one HUGE ugly bite chomp.
ugh, hungry much?
jeez.

its been a long day.

sigh.
even aquamarine and honey cldnt get me outta my funk.
i need to rewatch HTLAGI10D.

am meeting Bets tmr, and ohyeah i need to meet Kanika to get my stuff frm her. great, more prelim results. woohoo.

i need smth to cheer me up, i dont even care what it is, maybe TTF. yeah that wld work, i think. my bubbly is starting to go flat. already.
yeah, life sucks.

gg to sleep it off.

Prelim schlim

last prelim paper today, was super slow and didnt finish.

boohoohoo am a stupid cow. )))):

and, stupid spree person told me order is cancelled after TWO WEEKS. i suspect she like, kept the things for herslf. i mean, how can a TNC take so long to get back to her abt it right? untrustworthy person. am spreeing with another spree organiser now. mail more expensive but more experienced and no such things. she didnt even know what happened, which means she didnt put in effort to resolve things and now my beloved knit cap is oos! beeyatch. and she took a REEEEEEEEALLY long time to close the spree too, another of my items went oos b4 she ordered.
hope the other spree site has not reached cap yet. i NEED those things i ordered. i alr lost my cap, i cant lose the others!

finally borrowed the movies frm Misato today. yay :D
am finally with Honey. lol. she also has my ultimate fave romantic comedy of all time: How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days. YAY!!!!
i dont know what it is, i just really really love this movie.

we watched John Tucker Must Die and were not empowered. damn it. Sophia Bush is so pretty. need empowering!

oh, Mum said yes to the C&K shoes. finally. after like 7wks. pity they're no longer there. gosh, did she plan this?!?! arrrrgh. i wanted them so bad, they were gorgeous!! :'(

seems like im not having any luck w the things i really want. wow.

am feeling terribly dehydrated these days. and i really forget things. keep forgetting to take my meds! so not good. and need to stop blowing money on splurges!

crap crap crap hv got mt tmr. argh here comes the bad feelings again. plus physics. worse feelings. and possibly chem. omg even worse feelings!
guilt trip guilt trip guilt trip.
i dont need this.

i wanna watch Babylon AD. vin diesel! woot. i dont care if he looks like he's fighting a hangover more than he's fighting to save the world, he is sexxxy. to me,anyway. and wanna watch make it happen. i shd blow sch to watch! lol nah jk. maybe on friday. ooh and Wall.E, and housebunny.

la
la
la.

bedtime.

Term Four

edited. decided not to blog abt TTF in detail afterall. lol.

hello im finally back, and i cant believe its been last than a month since i last blogged. so much seems to hv happened since.

my trip to the hospital wasnt that freaky after all,and im getting the results this friday. i want to go to the polyclinic for another referral,although for smth else.

Grandma passed away the day after i last blogged. my entire family seems to hv reached an unspoken agreement and understanding that this is the time for a new beginning. its really great. for the past few years it'd been so rare to see the entire extended family together. i'd really, really missed the gatherings.

horror and hope.
i really believe that. i used it in the lit paper today, but im quite sure im gonna fail. time is so cruel.

what H said suddenly occured to me today just b4 the start of the paper, and i kept smiling to mysef. sexy. haha. we dont talk anymore though, so it was odd. but i love the way he put it.

honestly, so many things have happened since 16 august that i really dont know how to blog them all.

im happy. generally.
things are changing, and im fully embracing change :)

i mean, why wldnt i be happy? my family is coming tgt again (YAY I LOVE THIS), i've been there for several really good friends incl. 2 of my best girlfriends, Besties met up and lovey songs are starting to mean something to me again.

Really,im happy. but at the same time im really bummed abt TTF.

TTF.

please just let me be happy for a while. who knows when the next blissed out feels will be yeah? besides i know when to stop, and how. i totally hv a plan. yep. and how much do i know bout him anw, i hv seen him like what, 5times? lol.
I JUST WANNA FEEL BUBBLY-HAPPY FOR A BIT.

do you know how it sucks when music becomes simply noise to you? im a radio junkie, i cant do noise! lol.

i love QH and Bets for knowing me so well.

so now its term 4 n the big Os are drawing ever so close. jeez. talk abt scary. i'd pick needles anyday. m totally scared. sigh.

i wanna make Daddy proud. he actually believes in me. i mean, do you know how many people actually really do? and i dont wanna feel guilty. i know im not giving my best, even now. those who believe in me, i dont want them to be disappointed. this feeling sucks.

oh and, not only do i stink at chinese now, but i am not even speaking proper english anymore. i stutter and mispronounce words! and i cant get my pt across! oh man, whats wrong with me? and i hv a memoy problem. i cant rmb my freaking IC number, which is really easy to rmb n i hv rmbed since forever.

i really dont want to lose my sense of humour.
i know this isnt a v upbeat & happy post but i didnt think it was appropriate. i dunno. somehow.

I LOVE TUITION. I LOVE MATH. I LOVE TO STUDY.

I LOVE CAKE.

taking everything you own for granted

although everything i said was just a picture in my head
i think we can make it
im still walking after you
im still walking after you

ytd kanika said she didnt think i was the type to listen to incubus but i realised i listen to a lot of different type of songs. hahaha radio junkie here.
erm the lyrics above arent from incubus.

omg really starting to feel the prelim stress. how i wish i was you right now. and the other person far far away, i miss you very much & i wanna see you get wet. LOL funny.

CAN I FREAKING FAST FORWARD TO THE FUTURE?
it doesnt really matter how far into it, as long as it's not more than 10yrs.

sigh tuition tmr. i dont wanna take picture for student card! argh.

am very scared for chem prelim. suck at macromolecules and electrolysis.
FUCK I LEFT CHEM TXTBK IN SCHOOL!!!!!

omg my life is so sad, fruits make you really full and i gotta eat medicine now.

congratulations to shirley! must exchanging 'i love you's now. hahahah. irritating girl nvr tell me.

sigh.
its such a sighy day.
i hv a sighy life.

can i be like alvin and not take Os this yr?
poor alvin.
MRI in 2days.

hey i just realised i didnt tell diana. and various other ppl.
Besties dont know.
sigh.
im not pms-ing so i dont know why i wanna turn on the waterworks every minute or so. must be the meds. they make my eyes v dry n tired too.

DONT WANNA TAKE PHOTO!!!!!!!

stupid vampire. uncool, humourless, fashion freak. you in serious need of stylist.

i want a donut. with lots of sugar.

yes its true, i romanticise everything i do, especially when it comes to you.

-The Spill Canvas

it came to me in a dream

SINGAPORE WINS TABLE TENNIS SEMIFNAL!!! OUR TEAM WILL PLAY IN SUNDAY'S FINAL! THAT MEANS WE ARE GETTING EITHER A GOLD OR SILVER OLYMPIC MEDAL!!!!

OLYMPIC MEDAL!

omfg. this is so, so cool. beyond cool. i witnessed history! i reached home just in time to see the last match and Feng TianWei of Team Singapore won!!! i was so happy. still am.

oh O lvl eng oral was kinda sucky. i did not do well. i talked abt smth two ppl in front of me talked abt! jeez, the examiners must hv been like, booooring can we move on? :((((((((((
i was all nerves and said 'brain solving techniques'.
??????????????????

argh.

last night i dreamt of this dress. it's so gorgeous and i'm gonna put in into my future clothes line if i ever have one. just as soon as i can draw it. i thought of 2 dresses for the same collection! they all rock. i even know what materials im gonna use for them.

am so tired,eye is all red. stupid medicine. MRI in 3days.

now cannot rmb things me wanna blog bout. think shall nap before ten pm korean show.

cotton candy dreams!

walking in blindly

help! im turning into jaye! omg. *screams*

AM STARTING TO FREAK OUT ABOUT O LVL ENGLISH ORAL TMR.
omg omg omg. why is this happening?!?!? i can speak english, this shd not be a major problem, but OHMYGOSH!!!! oh please please please let me do well, i canNOT afford to do badly for another subject :(
my speech is slurring. oh great pumpkin bumpkins, what do i do???
when they ask me what my name is, imma be like, "my grace is name,"

chinese teacher has unceremoniously pitched us into work. its like, so depressingly not encouraging AT ALL. sniff. it is really sad. everyone knows what they want but me.

am gonna do circle properties at tuition. and i have a lot of physics worksheets to do! yay! :D i love magnetism but hate electromagnetism. its confusing. what i feel for physics, i mean. ooh in english i like asked a question for once and mrs wallace totally made me never wanna ask another question in class again. wish she wld stop glaring at us, we not her enemies. we like, one of her best students! (in terms of how much we like english)

during recess i played wheel of fortune on diana or fion's phone, i am like, so smart :D FOUR WHEEL DRIVE. teehee.

anyway, MICHAEL PHELPS IS ADDING MORE GOLDS TO HIS COLLECTION AND IT IS LIKE, REALLY REALLY ANNOYING. like, i dont know, im just bothered by it. i dont dislike him or anth, i just...i guess you cld say i prefer someone else? BLEH i dont really, but like, the ppl there are making him into some sort of predictable dude. kinda bemusing? they're all making him sound so unbeatable, so...above them all, y'know? aiya i dunno lah, im just irritated but dont mind me im weird that way.
FANS OF MICHAEL PHELPS PLEASE DONT KILL ME, im just like, venting.

lalala. damn, i lead a boring, mundane life. monotonous much?

I AM GONNA TAKE AN EXCITING BATH NOW. alternating hot and cold water, doesnt that sound extremely exciting? woohoo!

and strong is what i am

if you look outta the window now you'll see one of my fave weather, the calm grey sky before the pounding storm. of course, this weather is better enjoyed indoors or with a raincoat and a big brolly.

hope you guys have had a better day than me. honestly, nvr jugde anth by its cover. i tuned in to the radio this morn and first thing i heard was "Hanging by a moment" by Lifehouse, one of my fave Lifehouse songs and i thought it was gonna be a gd day, y'know?

in math today mr chye basically insulted me. he was being a huge jerk,implying that my parents had spared the rod and spoiled the child. and he humiliated me openly by saying that he'd marked my paper in one minute. "...your paper was the first one i marked you know, one mintute (and) i marked finish alr" i didnt hand in a blank piece, i did try, and even if i was no good at it was it really necessary to say what he did?
so i said "you're so mean,", to which he replied that he doesnt care what he says, if im lousy he's gonna tell it to me straight (not in exact words, i have edited the grammar) and carried on a whole bunch of how nowadays the parents all baby and spoil the kid resulting in the kid being too stupid and cannot even do well at PSLE and tht if its time to hit the kid, must hit. therefore he implied i'd nvr been disciplined as a child. and then he said more things which i found highly distasteful, thus i told him, "you know, there's a line between being tactful and tactless". looking back i shd hv said there's a difference, not line. anw he raised his voice and said he didnt care for tact and then said a whole lotta hurtful, awful and unnecessary things.

i really dont think its appropriate to assume things abt ppl when you know next to nothing about them. spoiled and spared the rod, am i? oh really, tell me, did your mom own five canes?
plus, these type of comments cld leave a kid emotionally scarred for a long, long time. it cld even make the difference between life and death. you nvr know, a mentally unstable kid who "xiang bu kai" (cannot think things through/ cannot take critique?) may do some stupid thing.

i just think its really unnecessary to say these kind of things.
what was intended as motivation may end up being demoralization, resulting in depression and hopelessness. its just that you nvr know how much a person can take. and i get enough discouragement frm my mother, thanks. dont see her method working, do you?

chinese. mother tongue.

i did badly. i dont know, im happy with my oral results, but that means i did badly for my paper. and that means i can (n prob shd) retake, but i just...i really dont know. am i willing to put in the effort? can i make it? will i give up?
i wish there was someone here to walk me thru it, each step of the way. but there isnt, and no one can help me but myself.

Gosh, Grace, what did you get yourself into now?

i want advice. hit me with it. please.

the other thing which upset me today isnt even worth mentioning. just like me.

now for shoutouts:

To YingYu:

thanks for all your advice! i appreciate all your input and i do not find you naggy :) yay so happy tht you havent given up on me, you rock like the rocks at East Coast Park okay.

To Kanika:

you very nice to me today ar! aww how sweet of you, being extra nice to me today. thankyou for accompanying me all the way to J8, and not being harsh when i gush about good looking men. LOL. i'll go to Columbia w u if u make a trip down under w me :D

To YiYin:

thanks in advance for helping me transfer the money. unless too late and kena cancel,then i shall edit this away. hahahhahh :D

To Diana:

split your face into a grin, cause you're still the pro-est dude to me! (dont tell Jonathan, shhh...) no matter what you decide to do, your friends will always be behind you. teehee i shd so be a poet.

To Tania, GuoZhang and misc.:

you guys, indulge in some chocolate and/or ice cream and feel better! lol you guys wont read this but i just feel like typing it.

finally,

To the one and only,ME:

feel better after stuffing your face? your fast food fix has done you good huh. be happy that you have your gorgeously supportive and ENCOURAGING friends. they've got your back and have no doubt that

now im stronger than yesterday

now its nothing but my way

my loneliness aint killing me no more

i'm, i'm stronger

:DDD

LOL LOL LOL!!!! the words kinda dont tie in. but stronger by kanye west doesnt either.

thanks also to JUANNE for her advice, QIANHUI for listening to me (n standing on my side, and everything! hug hug! lol.) and any other ppl i forgot. you guys rock so much, malaysia can feel the tremors.

in Beijing Michael Phelps is like getting more golds.

i know someone who can give him a run (or swim, haha.) for his money (or medals...), of which im sure he's got plenty :(((

people in love are supposed to be happy, and like, GLOW. *switches off room light*

nah, not glowing here.